Faded Photographs...

Favorite Memory:  

Sitting at the piano next to my father, with my soprano mother behind me...

This picture is old and faded... but even after 50 years,

this memory is crystal clear in my mind!

It looks like Angels are surrounding us!

Sometimes I get so caught up in memories, that I forget to live in the moment...

I need to remember that what we do today, 

become my kids' memories tomorrow!  

Hopefully they will smile when they remember their CRAZY mom,

 frantically cleaning at the LAST minutes...

All night wrapping sessions... filled with laughter and love...

The meandering stories behind each present...

The memories may be different,

but the LOVE is the same... 

Merry Merry Merry... 

THERE ARE NO WORDS...

I have been silent for a few weeks.  So much in my head... So many drafts... 

Nothing seemed right.

But something horrendous happened yesterday.

A very disturbed man, went to the Clackamas Town Center,

a HUGE mall in the suburbs of Portland, Oregon.

Excited Christmas shoppers were interrupted by the sound of gunshots.

Two dead, one seriously injured...

Then this obviously very sick man, shot himself.

My cousin was there... thankfully unharmed.

THERE ARE NO WORDS to adequately describe the emotions...

It is terrifying and humbling to have it happen in

Portland - one of the best places to live in the world!

People all over the country wonder... will we be next?

What brings a person to the brink of such destruction?

Was he suicidal before he started shooting,

or after he realized what he had done?

One can never rejoice in a suicide, 

but in this case, it was the right thing to do.

I just wish he had done it a little sooner... like before he left home.

My hope is that Portlanders... Oregonians... Americans... 

can rally together in love and forgiveness,

and not turn this into an argument about gun laws!

Whatever the law is, there will be crazies who break it... twist it... abuse it.

God Bless the families and friends of the victims of this senseless tragedy...

including the family of the shooter... 

I pray they will all find peace...

* * *
And now another one in Connecticut...
My heart is breaking for them... I can't fathom getting that phone call.

There's a NIP in the air.... must be Halloween!

I love Halloween in the desert... 
There is finally a NIP in the air - and neighbors come out to play!
There is no pressure to cook or clean the house...
and when you get sick of the kids, you can just turn off the lights.  

Don't get me wrong - I LOVE seeing all the little princesses and Thors... 
and decorating the yard with tombstones... 

but after a few hours our pounds of candy are gone... 
and I'm ready for bed!

Quick - what is your favorite costume you've ever worn?
Mine is from an Opera mom was in...
maybe Aunt Barb can remember the name of it?
It was a Halloween STAPLE for years and years...
My crazy brother is playing the party of Superman - 
Gotta love the 80's!
Wonder what ever happened to this thing?

TRICK OR TREAT EVERYONE!
Be safe...

The Art of SCI-AUNT-OLOGY

Things are changing around my house... grown-up children are finally becoming true grown-ups... and I'm having a harder time than I imagined.  I have dreamed about the "Empty Nest" experience.  Whenever my friends pined away for their children... I was jealous.  Now it is finally happening to me... and I'm not sure I'm dealing with it very well.  A lot of strange arguments that start for nothing, and end up with yelling and slamming of doors... and I find myself saying things I don't mean...

So... now that my mother is gone... I turn to my mother's sister for guidance.  Aunt's are the BEST, aren't they?  They love us like a friend... laugh with us like a sister... guide us like a mother.  They give us unconditional love without all the mother/daughter garbage!  

My wonderful Aunt Barbara lost her husband just as they were getting close to their empty nest... She moved to an island to find peace... brought her mother (my Grammy) to this haven island, becoming her caretaker the last few years of her life.  She is an avid volunteer, and has since remarried... adding another group of family and friends to her never-ending stream of visitors.  I know we bring her much JOY... but also drive her CRAZY!

Keeping her calm is her sewing machine, her shiny crochet hook, and long ferry rides...

Last week, I was complaining (as usual) about my household changes... she listened... and listened... and listened some more.  Then she responded with a wonderful letter.

I would like to share five things she told me:

1.     CHANGE IS THE NEW NORMAL

2.     LETTING GO IS THE BEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE YOUR KIDS 

3.     SLAMMING DOORS CLEARS THE AIR

4.     KIDS ARE RESILIENT AS LONG AS THE ADULTS ARE OK AROUND THEM

5.     MAKE IT OK

MAKE IT OK... like that Nike slogan, JUST DO IT... kind of like that cute scene in Spanglish.  Have you ever scene that movie?  It is really adorable... and kind of thought provoking at times (in spite of having Adam Sandler as the lead).  After spazzoid mother (Tea Leoni) buys clothes that are too tight for her daughter (Darling Sarah Steele),  Flor (How much more gorgeous can you get than Paz Vega?)  secretly alters them.  In the morning she asks Bernice to Just Try it On - but of course, Bernice doesn't realize it has been altered, and doesn't want to.  Flor repeats it a few times JUST try it on... Just try it ON.... Just TRY it on... then finally yelling  JUST TRY IT ON!...  same philosophy....  Just MAKE it ok... Just make it OK... however you say it...

Here - watch the scene for yourself....  I love this movie

But I digress into my ADHD land of the unknown.

It's time to take my Adderall and 

check my inbox to see if I have any more scriptures from the 

Book of SCI-AUNT-OLOGY!

I love you Aunt Barbie Doll!

WITH YOUR HELP... I WILL MAKE IT OK!

Little Drummer Boy and the Ballerina

SHE FOLLOWED HIM EVERY PARADE... 

HOPING SOMEDAY HE WOULD NOTICE HER...

AND ONE DAY HE DID...
(SHE'S GOT LEGS!)

AND HE SAW THAT IT WAS GOOD

AND THEY DATED...

AND DRUMMER BOY MARRIED THE BALLERINA

AND WHISKED HER AWAY IN THE HILLMAN

AND A FEW MONTHS LATER...

HE SAW THAT IT WAS VERY GOOD

 Here's your song you lovebirds...
I will watch for your shadows and hope you are dancing in the moonlight... 

Because I'm WORTH IT!

Why do we have such a hard time treating ourselves?
We buy boxes at the grocery store to cover the grey...
at the GROCERY STORE!   Just to save a few dollars.
We should allow ourselves a little pampering...
Come on... you know the shampoo alone is worth GOLD!

It has taken me years to learn this... I am still learning.  Pampering goes a long way toward our mental health.
When my husband goes hunting,
he doesn't agonize over the money spent on the license.
He focuses on his camaraderie with nature and friends,
and comes back a NEW MAN!

I have never indulged in ballet season tickets... or the opera.
I have cancelled plans to reunions because of money.
I have missed opportunities to visit family because of money.
Is visiting family considered splurging?  I think not...

Where do you like to sit?

So recently I started treating myself to a few little things...
like movies!
ALONE... HUGE TREAT!
I get free popcorn for the year, and have a dollar drink cup.

What is that - Less than $10?
CHEAP - with HUGE payoff!

If only I had learned this sooner...
but no regrets, remember?

For years I felt resentful of money my husband spent...

Season Tickets to the Cardinals... Cuban Cigars... Big Screen Televisions...
Now I have to admit there were a few years that I made some bad choices...
BAD.  CHOICES.
Those days are over... and I have no reason to feel guilty anymore!  But old habits die hard.
My sewing machine for example - I bought a new one recently.
My old one has lasted 25 years!  Much longer than a football season...
Yet I hid it for a few weeks before "confessing."
WHY OH WHY!? 

Today I splurged on a little trinket for my wrist (the big chunky silver one).
It was under $30 - that's only 1/3 of a box of cigars.

No RED HATS for this old gal... 

Give me CHUNKY BRACELETS!

BECAUSE I'M WORTH IT!

Order it on Etsy Here

Now... maybe for some diamonds and pearls!

Don't get carried away Deb...

* * * * * * * * * *

PS - ABOUT TAYLOR

Taylor Morgan is an amazing girl... 

I know, I know... she is a grown up, married woman.  

But to me, she is still a young girl... with her whole life ahead of her, 

going full speed ahead after her dreams!  

She is grounded in her faith... loved by her family (especially her adorable husband)... 

working hard to get through school, so she can start her dream business!
She is SPLURGING on school - an INVESTMENT in her FUTURE and her SOUL!
They pay exorbitant rent in the heart of New York City - and LOVE IT!

Source: etsy.com via Debbie on Pinterest

Totally HOOKED!

I never really understood what they meant by "Knitting Fever" - until now.
I have been INFECTED... 
Totally HOOKED (pun intended)
I can't stop!
Everything else is on the back burner... 

My lovely piles are having babies behind me!

All I wanna do is crochet... crochet...
day and night... night and day...

oh dear... I am hearing Neil Sedaka...

I bought a new sewing machine... 
it is sitting in the hallway... 

What the heck is going on?  I feel frantic - 
like time is running out to leave my crochet mark on the world!

I'm begging you... take a beanie or two... or three or four?  

How about a pot holder... or a Trivet?

Not too many please... my hand kind of cramps up after a few of these!

or how about one of those cute little Beer Coozies?

Or my latest craze... dish rags... do people really USE these?
so many stitches... so little time...

Watch out!  I'm a menopausal crazy woman... 
and I have a shiny new hook in my hand...

I'm gonna have to face it, I'm addicted to yarn!
Is there a support group for this?
Wonder if Weird Al Yankovic has a song about it...

Letting go...

On this day, four years ago we were celebrating the life of my mother... 
Joanne Stout Adkins Magill

She died on July 16, 2008, at the tender age of 73.
Friends and family packed the Laurelhurst Clubhouse for her Celebration of Life.

I was looking forward to the cleansing act of carrying out her wishes:
"Cremate me, and spread my ashes at Doe Bay."

For years I'd heard about "The Spot."

She would close her eyes... take a deep breath... 

and go into a trance... as if imagining her soul's adventure!

You see... my mother was an avid believer in reincarnation.

This was TRULY important to her.

BUT... SNAFU... her husband wouldn't release her ashes!

He boxed her up in a wall.  

"Too bad, so sad," I believe were his words.

Not only did he never mention my father at ALL during the memorial, now this!  

He KNEW what she wanted done...  but refused to carry it out.  

How Selfish!  He was betraying the woman he professed to love!

The anger rose in me faster than a hot flash... 

and I allowed the anger to grow and flourish... and fester...

and I plotted my revenge:
I will wait until he dies, then steel mom's ashes from the wall before they shut it again.

That was my plan... 

FLASH FORWARD four years, to my soul re-booting time on Orcas Island last month:

The sun was up...the Miata top went down.
I wanted to visit "The Place" by myself... anticipating tears and anger overflowing.

But instead... something different happened... something magical...

It's a long drive, by island standards... 30 minutes or so... and incredibly beautiful.

I meandered through Moran State Park...

Took a left at Olga - resisting the urge to stop and shop at the gallery.

Not much further mom...

Oh Look!  There it is... 

THE PLACE... YOUR PLACE

Wait... what are all these cars doing here?
There was a wedding... right smack dab in mom's spot.  

I couldn't crash the wedding, but I wasn't about to leave,

so I hiked up a little trail on the other side, and there it was... 
a chair mom had reserved for me on the edge of the most magnificently serene view... 

She must have planned this whole thing...

The closer I got to the awaiting bench, 

the more I began to understand why mom wanted her ashes here...
and what else I needed to do.

Vivaldi wafted up through the trees,
from a string quartet mom ordered for the occasion.
Then Pachelbel's Canon in D signaled the beginning of the wedding ceremony.
Two people starting a new life together... dreaming of the future...
in the same spot where mom wanted her ashes to rest.


Suddenly it dawned on me... MOM IS ALREADY HERE.
Her ashes are just ashes.
They are not her spirit.
 She is here.  She is there. She is with me... 
wherever... whenever... everywhere...
ALWAYS. 



And magically my anger was disappeared... completely gone... 

anger for this, and surprisingly for a several older issues I've held onto over the years.
In its place... overwhelming joy and peace... 
and unconditional LOVE.

I waited for the wedding to finish before I stood up to leave.
It was hard to break away from the serenity, but I knew this time, mom was coming with me...

Carly Simon's words seem so appropriate... 

I wait no more like a daughter...I will wait for you forever... like a river...

Thanks mom...you always know what I need...

***
Anger and resentment are a cancer in our heart...but letting go is a soothing, healing balm...

Come sit with me a moment... let the music wash over you... 
feel the peace... 
is there something you need to let go of?

Source: google.com via Debbie on Pinterest

Fly me to the Moon!.

It warms my heart, the way our country rallies together in time of tragedies.

Whether it be a tornado... a flood... a bombing... or a senseless shooting.  

Whether an act of nature... or an act of a madman... 

We stare at the television, absorbing every detail... we ache for those caught in the middle. 

We mourn for those who lost loved ones... and cling closer to our own families.

We talk about it on Facebook.  

We pray... 

The heartbreak... the fear... the confusion.  

We need healing... we need forgiveness... we need TO forgive... 

somehow.

I don't want to discount the horrific event Colorado experienced today.

But I want to remember another July 20th in our history... 

The day we rallied together for a different reason.

The day our country swelled with pride, instead of tears.... 

as we celebrated the first footsteps on the moon!

Do you remember this day?  Did you dream of working for NASA?

I pray there will soon be happy news for our country... 

something that will bring us together with hugs and laughter...

and we will pray with gratitude instead of desperation.

In the meantime, here are some memories of yesteryear...

from a page in my scrapbook (hoarder that I am).

As usual, I have musical accompaniment!

July 20, 1969

I thought I was so clever... it's pretty rustic compared to today's scrapbooks!

 Check out that price:  TEN CENTS

 Front page of the Oregonian!

Our heroes...

 That historic quote... 

 Don't lock the door honey...

 More historic photos

 Nice to see that he added "and returning him safely to earth"

Even "Today's Chuckle" - wonder if the Oregonian still does this up in the corner...?

***

Life is so fragile...
never pass up an opportunity to let someone know you care...

We lost a boy from our very own area in the Colorado tragedy.
Ashley LeMieux honored him in her blog:
COLORADO SHOOTING- A HERO IN THE MIDST OF TRAGEDY

***

UPDATE

August 25, 2012

So soon after posting this... he is now gone.
RIP Mr. Armstrong...
His humility makes him even more of a HERO in my eyes...

http://www.stumptownblogger.com/2012/08/first-man-on-the-moon-dies-at-82.html

Here is how the family suggested we honor him... I like it.

Two Little Boys - All Grown Up

I never, EVER thought I would marry someone who had been married before...
much less someone with children already!
But I found a man who not only wept when Bette Midler sang "The Rose"...
but whose eyes glistened when he talked about his kids...

and he suckered me right in...

I was single until I was almost 30...  and suddently I was married with an auto-family
which included TWIN 8-year old boys. 
Well... what can be said? 
We had some rough years... can you spell "understatement?"   

Sometimes I think if we hadn't had that "little piece of paper"... honestly, I don't know...
but I DID have it... so when things got rough, I stuck around,
took a deep breath and maybe slammed a door or two (or three or four)...
and pretty soon one of those little hellions would climb into my lap and say,
"I love you Mommy"
Well... hearts melt whether you are biologically related or not.

The mountains are hard to climb, and the valleys are low,
but the view gets better and better every time.
And now... what a spectacular view indeed!

Today they celebrate their 37th birthday... 

I wanted to do this video for their 30th... and for their 35th...

but my ADHD spazzoid self, procrastinated until now...

I'm so proud of who they have become...

for the love and patience they also shared with me...

for the things we have learned about life, on this journey together!

Happy Birthday Matt and Gabe!

You Want a Piece of Me?

Will we crochet in Heaven?  
I like to think so... forever creating soft, lovely things 
without the worry of arthritis taking over our delicate knuckles... 
or running out of yarn!  
Another Heavenly blessing will surely be 
ALWAYS finding that elusive beginning piece! 

Maybe we will just close our eyes and create whatever delicious color we imagine! 
Oh think of the yarn we could weave...  
the patterns and colors... the endless possibilities!

In the meantime, we have Michael's... Joann's... Hobby Lobby...  

and my closet... full of yarn for future projects I dream of...  

      A little bit of this...                              A little bit of that...

 and I forgot about these...

I always have ten projects going at once... I admit it...

I am a Project Polygamist!
Projects in my head... projects on my bed... projects in the car... 

projects for today... projects for tomorrow... 

and unfinished projects from yesterday.  

I love them all!
The unfinished ones give me a sense of purpose,
and I rejoice when I complete one, 

yet feel a sense of loss as I say good-bye to my "friend of the month"

- for each project is much more than just yarn and a hook.  

Each has its own story.


As the metal dances between my fingers, 

my mind wanders to the reaction of the recipient...  the use of the project.

I imagine the baby wrapped in the softness I feel around my fingers...

the darling photographs they can capture in that beanie, even if it is tooooo big!

the afghan lovingly folded on the back of their couch...

my daughter actually wearing that neck shrug thing...
oh wow... she did!

I wonder if it will bring them happiness?  

Will they think I'm silly?
Will they use it?
It doesn't really matter... the joy is in the journey...

***

I recently discovered a book by Mac Barnett called EXTRA YARN - 
a magical tale of a little girl and the ability to change the world around her.  
She finds a box of yarn, and makes herself and Mars (her furry companion) a sweater.  
And so it begins.  
Her kindness and generosity spreads and pretty soon the whole town is warm and cozy, 
covered in her creations.  
Just a box of yarn... which never ends.  

I don't profess to be "changing the world" - 
but there is something magical about transforming a simple ball of yarn 
into a handmade gift... and it brings me JOY.  

I can give my friends and family (and even strangers on occasion)

 A PIECE OF ME...

a little bit of Debbie to carry with them... 

to wear on their head... or tuck in a drawer...
to shield their hand while baking... 

to snuggle up with at night...


It's my way of paying it forward... 
like a big Cat's Cradle connection between us all!

http://www.bailagoldenthal.com/painting/cats_cradle/cats_cradle.html

You want a piece of me?  
All you need to do is ask...