Letting go...

On this day, four years ago we were celebrating the life of my mother... 
Joanne Stout Adkins Magill

She died on July 16, 2008, at the tender age of 73.
Friends and family packed the Laurelhurst Clubhouse for her Celebration of Life.

I was looking forward to the cleansing act of carrying out her wishes:
"Cremate me, and spread my ashes at Doe Bay."

For years I'd heard about "The Spot."

She would close her eyes... take a deep breath... 

and go into a trance... as if imagining her soul's adventure!

You see... my mother was an avid believer in reincarnation.

This was TRULY important to her.

BUT... SNAFU... her husband wouldn't release her ashes!

He boxed her up in a wall.  

"Too bad, so sad," I believe were his words.

Not only did he never mention my father at ALL during the memorial, now this!  

He KNEW what she wanted done...  but refused to carry it out.  

How Selfish!  He was betraying the woman he professed to love!

The anger rose in me faster than a hot flash... 

and I allowed the anger to grow and flourish... and fester...

and I plotted my revenge:
I will wait until he dies, then steel mom's ashes from the wall before they shut it again.

That was my plan... 

FLASH FORWARD four years, to my soul re-booting time on Orcas Island last month:

The sun was up...the Miata top went down.
I wanted to visit "The Place" by myself... anticipating tears and anger overflowing.

But instead... something different happened... something magical...

It's a long drive, by island standards... 30 minutes or so... and incredibly beautiful.

I meandered through Moran State Park...

Took a left at Olga - resisting the urge to stop and shop at the gallery.

Not much further mom...

Oh Look!  There it is... 

THE PLACE... YOUR PLACE

Wait... what are all these cars doing here?
There was a wedding... right smack dab in mom's spot.  

I couldn't crash the wedding, but I wasn't about to leave,

so I hiked up a little trail on the other side, and there it was... 
a chair mom had reserved for me on the edge of the most magnificently serene view... 

She must have planned this whole thing...

The closer I got to the awaiting bench, 

the more I began to understand why mom wanted her ashes here...
and what else I needed to do.

Vivaldi wafted up through the trees,
from a string quartet mom ordered for the occasion.
Then Pachelbel's Canon in D signaled the beginning of the wedding ceremony.
Two people starting a new life together... dreaming of the future...
in the same spot where mom wanted her ashes to rest.


Suddenly it dawned on me... MOM IS ALREADY HERE.
Her ashes are just ashes.
They are not her spirit.
 She is here.  She is there. She is with me... 
wherever... whenever... everywhere...
ALWAYS. 



And magically my anger was disappeared... completely gone... 

anger for this, and surprisingly for a several older issues I've held onto over the years.
In its place... overwhelming joy and peace... 
and unconditional LOVE.

I waited for the wedding to finish before I stood up to leave.
It was hard to break away from the serenity, but I knew this time, mom was coming with me...

Carly Simon's words seem so appropriate... 

I wait no more like a daughter...I will wait for you forever... like a river...

Thanks mom...you always know what I need...

***
Anger and resentment are a cancer in our heart...but letting go is a soothing, healing balm...

Come sit with me a moment... let the music wash over you... 
feel the peace... 
is there something you need to let go of?

Source: google.com via Debbie on Pinterest