The Art of SCI-AUNT-OLOGY

Things are changing around my house... grown-up children are finally becoming true grown-ups... and I'm having a harder time than I imagined.  I have dreamed about the "Empty Nest" experience.  Whenever my friends pined away for their children... I was jealous.  Now it is finally happening to me... and I'm not sure I'm dealing with it very well.  A lot of strange arguments that start for nothing, and end up with yelling and slamming of doors... and I find myself saying things I don't mean...

So... now that my mother is gone... I turn to my mother's sister for guidance.  Aunt's are the BEST, aren't they?  They love us like a friend... laugh with us like a sister... guide us like a mother.  They give us unconditional love without all the mother/daughter garbage!  

My wonderful Aunt Barbara lost her husband just as they were getting close to their empty nest... She moved to an island to find peace... brought her mother (my Grammy) to this haven island, becoming her caretaker the last few years of her life.  She is an avid volunteer, and has since remarried... adding another group of family and friends to her never-ending stream of visitors.  I know we bring her much JOY... but also drive her CRAZY!

Keeping her calm is her sewing machine, her shiny crochet hook, and long ferry rides...

Last week, I was complaining (as usual) about my household changes... she listened... and listened... and listened some more.  Then she responded with a wonderful letter.

I would like to share five things she told me:

1.     CHANGE IS THE NEW NORMAL

2.     LETTING GO IS THE BEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE YOUR KIDS 

3.     SLAMMING DOORS CLEARS THE AIR

4.     KIDS ARE RESILIENT AS LONG AS THE ADULTS ARE OK AROUND THEM

5.     MAKE IT OK

MAKE IT OK... like that Nike slogan, JUST DO IT... kind of like that cute scene in Spanglish.  Have you ever scene that movie?  It is really adorable... and kind of thought provoking at times (in spite of having Adam Sandler as the lead).  After spazzoid mother (Tea Leoni) buys clothes that are too tight for her daughter (Darling Sarah Steele),  Flor (How much more gorgeous can you get than Paz Vega?)  secretly alters them.  In the morning she asks Bernice to Just Try it On - but of course, Bernice doesn't realize it has been altered, and doesn't want to.  Flor repeats it a few times JUST try it on... Just try it ON.... Just TRY it on... then finally yelling  JUST TRY IT ON!...  same philosophy....  Just MAKE it ok... Just make it OK... however you say it...

Here - watch the scene for yourself....  I love this movie

But I digress into my ADHD land of the unknown.

It's time to take my Adderall and 

check my inbox to see if I have any more scriptures from the 

Book of SCI-AUNT-OLOGY!

I love you Aunt Barbie Doll!

WITH YOUR HELP... I WILL MAKE IT OK!

Little Drummer Boy and the Ballerina

SHE FOLLOWED HIM EVERY PARADE... 

HOPING SOMEDAY HE WOULD NOTICE HER...

AND ONE DAY HE DID...
(SHE'S GOT LEGS!)

AND HE SAW THAT IT WAS GOOD

AND THEY DATED...

AND DRUMMER BOY MARRIED THE BALLERINA

AND WHISKED HER AWAY IN THE HILLMAN

AND A FEW MONTHS LATER...

HE SAW THAT IT WAS VERY GOOD

 Here's your song you lovebirds...
I will watch for your shadows and hope you are dancing in the moonlight... 

Because I'm WORTH IT!

Why do we have such a hard time treating ourselves?
We buy boxes at the grocery store to cover the grey...
at the GROCERY STORE!   Just to save a few dollars.
We should allow ourselves a little pampering...
Come on... you know the shampoo alone is worth GOLD!

It has taken me years to learn this... I am still learning.  Pampering goes a long way toward our mental health.
When my husband goes hunting,
he doesn't agonize over the money spent on the license.
He focuses on his camaraderie with nature and friends,
and comes back a NEW MAN!

I have never indulged in ballet season tickets... or the opera.
I have cancelled plans to reunions because of money.
I have missed opportunities to visit family because of money.
Is visiting family considered splurging?  I think not...

Where do you like to sit?

So recently I started treating myself to a few little things...
like movies!
ALONE... HUGE TREAT!
I get free popcorn for the year, and have a dollar drink cup.

What is that - Less than $10?
CHEAP - with HUGE payoff!

If only I had learned this sooner...
but no regrets, remember?

For years I felt resentful of money my husband spent...

Season Tickets to the Cardinals... Cuban Cigars... Big Screen Televisions...
Now I have to admit there were a few years that I made some bad choices...
BAD.  CHOICES.
Those days are over... and I have no reason to feel guilty anymore!  But old habits die hard.
My sewing machine for example - I bought a new one recently.
My old one has lasted 25 years!  Much longer than a football season...
Yet I hid it for a few weeks before "confessing."
WHY OH WHY!? 

Today I splurged on a little trinket for my wrist (the big chunky silver one).
It was under $30 - that's only 1/3 of a box of cigars.

No RED HATS for this old gal... 

Give me CHUNKY BRACELETS!

BECAUSE I'M WORTH IT!

Order it on Etsy Here

Now... maybe for some diamonds and pearls!

Don't get carried away Deb...

* * * * * * * * * *

PS - ABOUT TAYLOR

Taylor Morgan is an amazing girl... 

I know, I know... she is a grown up, married woman.  

But to me, she is still a young girl... with her whole life ahead of her, 

going full speed ahead after her dreams!  

She is grounded in her faith... loved by her family (especially her adorable husband)... 

working hard to get through school, so she can start her dream business!
She is SPLURGING on school - an INVESTMENT in her FUTURE and her SOUL!
They pay exorbitant rent in the heart of New York City - and LOVE IT!

Source: etsy.com via Debbie on Pinterest

Totally HOOKED!

I never really understood what they meant by "Knitting Fever" - until now.
I have been INFECTED... 
Totally HOOKED (pun intended)
I can't stop!
Everything else is on the back burner... 

My lovely piles are having babies behind me!

All I wanna do is crochet... crochet...
day and night... night and day...

oh dear... I am hearing Neil Sedaka...

I bought a new sewing machine... 
it is sitting in the hallway... 

What the heck is going on?  I feel frantic - 
like time is running out to leave my crochet mark on the world!

I'm begging you... take a beanie or two... or three or four?  

How about a pot holder... or a Trivet?

Not too many please... my hand kind of cramps up after a few of these!

or how about one of those cute little Beer Coozies?

Or my latest craze... dish rags... do people really USE these?
so many stitches... so little time...

Watch out!  I'm a menopausal crazy woman... 
and I have a shiny new hook in my hand...

I'm gonna have to face it, I'm addicted to yarn!
Is there a support group for this?
Wonder if Weird Al Yankovic has a song about it...

Letting go...

On this day, four years ago we were celebrating the life of my mother... 
Joanne Stout Adkins Magill

She died on July 16, 2008, at the tender age of 73.
Friends and family packed the Laurelhurst Clubhouse for her Celebration of Life.

I was looking forward to the cleansing act of carrying out her wishes:
"Cremate me, and spread my ashes at Doe Bay."

For years I'd heard about "The Spot."

She would close her eyes... take a deep breath... 

and go into a trance... as if imagining her soul's adventure!

You see... my mother was an avid believer in reincarnation.

This was TRULY important to her.

BUT... SNAFU... her husband wouldn't release her ashes!

He boxed her up in a wall.  

"Too bad, so sad," I believe were his words.

Not only did he never mention my father at ALL during the memorial, now this!  

He KNEW what she wanted done...  but refused to carry it out.  

How Selfish!  He was betraying the woman he professed to love!

The anger rose in me faster than a hot flash... 

and I allowed the anger to grow and flourish... and fester...

and I plotted my revenge:
I will wait until he dies, then steel mom's ashes from the wall before they shut it again.

That was my plan... 

FLASH FORWARD four years, to my soul re-booting time on Orcas Island last month:

The sun was up...the Miata top went down.
I wanted to visit "The Place" by myself... anticipating tears and anger overflowing.

But instead... something different happened... something magical...

It's a long drive, by island standards... 30 minutes or so... and incredibly beautiful.

I meandered through Moran State Park...

Took a left at Olga - resisting the urge to stop and shop at the gallery.

Not much further mom...

Oh Look!  There it is... 

THE PLACE... YOUR PLACE

Wait... what are all these cars doing here?
There was a wedding... right smack dab in mom's spot.  

I couldn't crash the wedding, but I wasn't about to leave,

so I hiked up a little trail on the other side, and there it was... 
a chair mom had reserved for me on the edge of the most magnificently serene view... 

She must have planned this whole thing...

The closer I got to the awaiting bench, 

the more I began to understand why mom wanted her ashes here...
and what else I needed to do.

Vivaldi wafted up through the trees,
from a string quartet mom ordered for the occasion.
Then Pachelbel's Canon in D signaled the beginning of the wedding ceremony.
Two people starting a new life together... dreaming of the future...
in the same spot where mom wanted her ashes to rest.


Suddenly it dawned on me... MOM IS ALREADY HERE.
Her ashes are just ashes.
They are not her spirit.
 She is here.  She is there. She is with me... 
wherever... whenever... everywhere...
ALWAYS. 



And magically my anger was disappeared... completely gone... 

anger for this, and surprisingly for a several older issues I've held onto over the years.
In its place... overwhelming joy and peace... 
and unconditional LOVE.

I waited for the wedding to finish before I stood up to leave.
It was hard to break away from the serenity, but I knew this time, mom was coming with me...

Carly Simon's words seem so appropriate... 

I wait no more like a daughter...I will wait for you forever... like a river...

Thanks mom...you always know what I need...

***
Anger and resentment are a cancer in our heart...but letting go is a soothing, healing balm...

Come sit with me a moment... let the music wash over you... 
feel the peace... 
is there something you need to let go of?

Source: google.com via Debbie on Pinterest