Finding Deborahrah: 30 Years... impossible!

In front of my grandmother's fireplace... the only place I ever dreamed of being married...

Thirty years ago today, I took the leap from 29-Year-Old-Single-White-Party-Girl....

to Married-with-Stepsons... and pregnant soon thereafter!

It has been quite a journey... but as everyone calls and writes to "congratulate" us, I wonder....

WHY are they CONGRATULATING us? What have we done that is so special?

I feel awkward celebrating something I didn't DO... we simply survived!

Busy-mommy-syndrome kept me in a whirlwind state for many years... while my husband traveled a LOT. He made the money to pay the bills... and I took care of everything else.

Our marriage is traditional in that sense... probably the ONLY traditional sense!

Would it have been easier to LEAVE at times? That is a subjective question... easier for WHOM?

I would have had to go back to work full-time to support myself... the kids would have been devastated... sometimes staying was just easier... but we stayed nonetheless...

I think it was the right decision... but is it worthy of congratulations? Maybe so...

I was scared and confused a few weeks before our wedding... questioning my decision... wondering if I had made the right choice. My father and I talked for hours about it. He said, "Picture yourself 30 years from now... what are you doing? Who is sitting beside you?"

That question caught me off guard... but I closed my eyes and tried to envision it. It was an extremely vivid image that came into my mind. I was sitting on a chair in my back yard, overlooking some sort of mountain view... sipping my tea, and crocheting something or other. Then in my mind's eye, I turned to my side, and saw Marcel... sipping his drink... smoking a cigar... and we quietly watched the sun go down.

Flash forward 30 years... I live on the side of a mountain...Marcel sits outside every night and watches the sun go down, while sipping on his Papa's Pilar Rum, and smoking a stogie... I often join him... crocheting something or other... almost the EXACT image I had that day with my father...

So as we sit by our pool... and he smokes his stogies... I realize...

We love each other in our own way... it's nobody's business but out own... and it seems to work.