Long ago, in a bar far far away, a dear friend of mine nicknamed me Deborahrah. It's the perfect descriptive name for me: plunky, perky, silly, drifty, all those "debbie" adjectives... but mostly, I talk to much. Maybe that's why this blog might work. I wonder how many friends see my name on the caller ID and don't pick up. I'm better than I used to be... but still... this blog will be another outlet for my words. Thank you to those who used "word vomit" to describe my conversations... I doubt that was a compliment, but it motivated me to write more... to avoid spreading my contagious disease... looks like I'm a little late jumping on the blogging epidemic train... but why not?
I was thinking of a classier name... one with more meaning and something people would remember. My Purple Pen... Purple Peacock Feathers... Pretty in Teal... something lovely, lilting, catchy. But everything sounds so pretentious. So Deborarah will remain as it is. Just me. I started this originally so I could follow some other bloggers - friends on missions, newlywed friends, etc. I'd forgotten all about it... and it's already in place... in other words... easy.
But then, and as cliche as it sounds, this year has been about "finding myself." I began a new journey October 1, 2011, and the basic theme of this journey was learning more about myself - especially what makes ME happy? Not what I can do to make others happy (because co-dependency is an issue here), but what deep down gives Deborah satisfaction. Well... writing is one of those outlets. So instead of just plain "Deborahrah" how about: Finding Deborahrah. It is an ongoing qwest... down a long road that will lead to who knows? I don't care about the outcome, as much as I care that I stay on this path... a path of of being true to myself... of being calm... of finding happiness in places I'd forgotten.
Never thought I'd be doing this. Journaling yes... but blogging? I've spent years writing my private thoughts in journals. Why would I want to put my personal thoughts out here for the world to see? More importantly, who would read them? Then one day I began "pinning." I loved it and wanted more. I got lost in pinning... which meant getting lost in the maze of bloggers, on my qwest for the perfect PIN! From one to the next to the next, not remembering where I began. Maybe, just maybe, someone will stumble upon mine and relate to something I say. That's kind of thrilling isn't it? To have someone read your words and possibly be moved by them? I'm not professing to be a great novelist, but I know there are those out there struggling with the same issues I've been struggling with. We can get through this together... but in the meantime, this is mostly just for me... for finding Deborah... and finding the fun side of me again... my Deborahrah side!
I want to profusely thank the counselors at ABC Wellness Center for holding my hand through this process of discovery... for helping me find a way back. I was divinely guided to them... and will be forever grateful for the "shit hitting the fan" that caused me to hit bottom - because the only way from there is UP! Awareness, Balance & Connection... http://www.abcwellnesscenter.org/index.php
"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, ANYONE CAN START FROM NOW AND MAKE A BRAND NEW ENDING" ~Carl Bard