No Regrets

I was thinking about Phoebe Snow today... and how much her music still influences my soul.

Today is the anniversary of her untimely death.

REST IN PEACE dear Phoebe... 

NO REGRETS... a catch phrase of late... 

How many of us can honestly say, "I HAVE NO REGRETS?"  What exactly is regret?  Guilt?  Pining for what might have been?  We can't go back, we can only go forward... I know I know I know... But how do we avoid regretting what was... what might have been?  What is the secret to  moving forward with no regrets?  Addiction groups preach living "One Day at a Time"... religions teach the Miracle of Forgiveness... and I believe with all my heart that we can be forgiven... but there are still ping pong naggers bouncing around in my brain... will they always be there?   How DO you learn to live without regret?  
Google that - you will find 3,400,000 sites about it!

The Fairy Shop

Women on the Fence Blog says "Mistakes are stepping stones.  It's not bullshit, it's true."  It IS true... what happened in my past has shaped and molded me into the woman I am today.  That sounds so cliche... but like she said, it is NOT bullshit... it just takes time to realize it... like 50 years!   Dating all the unstable men created a desire to seek out Marcel... a stable, teasingly stick-in-the-mud sort of guy... but I gravitated toward that because of experiences I had with other men...  

I DO NOT REGRET my marriage... I have two beautiful daughters and two loving stepsons... 
I would NOT want a do-over on the big stuff.... 




How to Live your Life with No Regrets, by Phylameana Desy  discusses regret like repentance:  Acknowledge the mistake...make amends... don't do it again.  Let me repeat that:  DON'T DO IT AGAIN.  Just Don't.

One thing really jumped out at me:

Do-overs - 

"Sometimes feelings of regret arise not from our past actions, but from our NON-actions."  

Do I regret my actions, or mourn lost opportunities?

MY DREAMS:

Happy Heart Card Gallery

• To live in New York - Perform on Broadway
• To backpack through Europe
• To work for Bob Packwood in Washington D.C. 

BUT:

• I was chicken
• I used my Europe money for college
• I found work at home in Portland

I WISH:

• I had gone to New York... 
• I had gone to Europe... 
• I had taken the job in D.C.  

There.  I said it.

I wish... the dreaded shoulda-coulda-woulda...

But I don't know if I REGRET staying safe at home... 

And what might I have missed?  My father running for office... my little brother's graduation... my college experience... my parents' divorce... my first big love.  I like to think that even taking a leap on some of those opportunities, may have led me to exactly where I am today... I may have taken a different path to get here, but would have ended up on the same landing pad...

In other words... all roads lead home.

So let me switch gears and remember what I DID do with my wonderful life!

MY REALITY:

I DID portray "Ado Annie" in a local Portland production of Oklahoma... 

I DID  have some fun in Dinner Theater productions.  

What was the name of that crazy place?  The Jasmine Tree!

That's not a dirty old man with the bug-eyes... that's my daddy!

• I DID get a job at ADP where I learned how to do a MANUAL weekly payroll for 600 employees - and met my best friend!  That led to another Accounting job with NERCO... where I met my future husband.  Now I do payroll on Quickbooks for several clients, and am able to work from home.  

Thank you 

• I DID travel a little around the country and Canada with my husband, who traveled a lot for work.  Miami Beach, St. Louis, Dallas, Chicago, San Francisco... Victoria... Montreal...                          and Hawaii on our honeymoon... no shots required!

Honeymoon in Hawaii

San Francisco Trip

And look what I have... two boys... two girls... juuuuust right...

Be grateful - "The most valuable lessons learned in life often come from the mistakes we make. It may take a walk down a dark alley to see clearly. Embrace your follies, 

feel gratitude for getting past the worst episodes and eventually 

finding your way along a less-cluttered path."

(How to Live your Life with No Regrets)

Noodle that a moment:  
eventually finding your way along a less cluttered path.  

A LESS CLUTTERED PATH

In the words of the great Sally Brown:
I LIKE IT- and that's my new philosophy!

Source: youtube.com via Debbie on Pinterest

The Lovely Piles

Accounting makes sense to me.  It is not subjective. 

 There is a right answer and a wrong answer, and can be extremely therapeutic... 

An expense is an expense... an asset is an asset.

There is a place for everything and everything goes in it's place... 

I love love love diving into a box of chaos and turning it into lovely array of 

Income Statements and Balance Sheets.  

Like a huge jigsaw puzzle... that lovely pile of assorted cardboard pieces 

slowly but surely becomes a beautiful picture - one piece at a time.

The pieces fit - or they don't.  It makes sense.

Looking at this makes my heart pound... the same way a messy box of paperwork does!

I melt into a pile of jigsaw jello...
am transported into the corner of my grandmother's dining room... 

where there was always a puzzle in process...

I sort through through the debris of debits and credits and assets and liabilities and 

receipts with scribbles I cannot read...enter them one by one into the program of choice, 

whittle down the pile one page at a time until my desk is cleared and 

each piece of paper is appropriately filed... each entry properly categorized.
I feel exhilarated as I arrive at the end - as the last piece of the puzzle is found.

They say the study of music helps kids with their math...
I say let them do PUZZLES!

Grammy would like this one... lots of colors... just difficult enough...

My family struggles to believe I enjoy the process.

They question my sanity as they spy the piles all over the room... 

I see the piles and feel giddy!

I love the process... the whole process... the one-at-a-timeness of it all.

When I'm done I feel such a sense of accomplishment...

so happy and calm... I only wish my office looked the way I felt!

But that is another goal... someday...

This blogger has the right idea!

Grammy would love making a puzzle out of this photo... just hard enough...

Her father, my great grandfather wrote a math book "The Theory of Nines"... 

I wonder if he loved puzzles...