Something's Coming...

This month marks an important anniversary for me...

Four years ago I started on my SOUL RE-BOOTING adventure...

Into a world of LIGHT and HAPPINESS... 

out of the DARKNESS of addiction...

Celebrating a wedding anniversary seemed lame to me - 

but THIS anniversary was something I WORKED HARD FOR!

How should I celebrate this occasion?

Sounds so simple... but what really makes me happy?

A long time ago, in a living room far, far away lived a left handed grandmother, 
with a very talkative granddaughter ...  

She gave her a shiny new crochet hook to keep her quiet...

and the rest is history...

THAT memory... in THAT living room with my grandmother, 

is where I felt the MOST LOVED and the MOST HAPPY!

What makes YOU HAPPY?

Try to remember... before the kids...

When you had time to dream...

JUST DO IT...  be HAPPY... be CALM... be at PEACE...

And remember...

A shiny new crochet hook makes everything better!

Call me,

30 Years... impossible!

In front of my grandmother's fireplace... the only place I ever dreamed of being married...

Thirty years ago today, I took the leap from 29-Year-Old-Single-White-Party-Girl.... 

to Married-with-Stepsons... and pregnant soon thereafter!

It has been quite a journey... but as everyone calls and writes to "congratulate" us, I wonder.... 

WHY are they CONGRATULATING us?  What have we done that is so special?

I feel awkward celebrating something I didn't DO... we simply survived!

Busy-mommy-syndrome kept me in a whirlwind state for many years... while my husband traveled a LOT.  He made the money to pay the bills... and I took care of everything else.

Our marriage is traditional in that sense... probably the ONLY traditional sense!

Would it have been easier to LEAVE at times?  That is a subjective question... easier for WHOM?  

I would have had to go back to work full-time to support myself... the kids would have been devastated... sometimes staying was just easier... but we stayed nonetheless... 

I think it was the right decision... but is it worthy of congratulations?  Maybe so...

I was scared and confused a few weeks before our wedding... questioning my decision... wondering if I had made the right choice.  My father and I talked for hours about it.  He said, "Picture yourself  30 years from now... what are you doing?  Who is sitting beside you?"

That question caught me off guard... but I closed my eyes and tried to envision it.  It was an extremely vivid image that came into my mind.  I was sitting on a chair in my back yard, overlooking some sort of mountain view... sipping my tea, and crocheting something or other.  Then in my mind's eye, I turned to my side, and saw Marcel... sipping his drink... smoking a cigar... and we quietly watched the sun go down.

Flash forward 30 years...  I live on the side of a mountain...Marcel sits outside every night and watches the sun go down, while sipping on his Papa's Pilar Rum, and smoking a stogie...  I often join him... crocheting something or other... almost the EXACT image I had that day with my father... 

So as we sit by our pool... and he smokes his stogies...  I realize...

We love each other in our own way... it's nobody's business but out own... and it seems to work.

Our "Wedding March" is my absolute favorite Chopin Etude... and still makes me cry...

Call me... but wait till the music is over...

In Front of Mimi's Fireplace

28 years ago today I was questioning my sanity... doubting my decision.
Will I be a good stepmother? 

Will I go crazy living with anyone, must less THREE members of the male species?  

Would I have to sell my Condo?  All day long I pondered what the hell I was doing.  

Since relatives were filling up my grandmother's house, I spent the day alone.  Bad idea.

Then it started raining.  They say that's a sign of good luck.  I hope so.

I piled the stereo into my Bug and headed out... 

racing like a maniac over the river and through the woods...

and true to form, arrived in the nick of time.

***

I dreamed of being married in front of Grammy Mim's fireplace since I was 3 years old...

This was the dress my Aunt Barbara wore as my mother's Maid of Honor!

At 29, I was being scuttled into my grandmother's bedroom to get dressed,
having a major anxiety attack!

I felt someone pushing me down a hill... I couldn't stop... couldn't breathe.

Dad tried to calm me down... then Mimi finally (and literally) kicked me 

through the swinging doors that opened up to the dining room. 

As I turned the corner I saw Marcel, my best friend, 

standing where I always dreamed he would be...

in front of Mimi's Fireplace...

March 16, 1984 - in front of Mimi's fireplace... right where I belong

Happy Anniversary to us!
***