Love Letters...

My daughter caught me crying... sitting on the floor... 
surrounded by boxes...

a piece of paper in my hand...

 "What is that, Mom?  

It looks like dad's handwriting."

She was right... 

it was her father's handwriting. 
I recognized the D.J.
(he acronymed me from the start)

He would copy lyrics to songs,

and leave them on the windshield of my 73 Super Beetle,  wrapped in plastic, in case it rained...

it was Portland, after all.

I'm so glad she caught me...

It was nice for her to see that

underneath all the crap (literally), there really is love...  

At least it started out that way.

So right there, 

in the middle of all the muck...

After hours of sorting and purging... 

I was rewarded with this sweet memory... 

My husband's version of a love letter:

Just remember in the winter...

Far beneath the bitter snows...

Lies the seed that with the sun's love...

in the Spring... becomes the Rose...

30 years ago... in the 3rd row of the intimate Portland Paramount Theater...

Marcel's eyes glistened as Bette Midler sang this song.
We've been married almost 29 years.

I haven't thought about him like that for quite some time... 

what a lovely way to start the new year...

The digital age is wonderful...but some things can only be properly expressed with a pen and sheet of notebook paper...

Faded Photographs...

Favorite Memory:  

Sitting at the piano next to my father, with my soprano mother behind me...

This picture is old and faded... but even after 50 years,

this memory is crystal clear in my mind!

It looks like Angels are surrounding us!

Sometimes I get so caught up in memories, that I forget to live in the moment...

I need to remember that what we do today, 

become my kids' memories tomorrow!  

Hopefully they will smile when they remember their CRAZY mom,

 frantically cleaning at the LAST minutes...

All night wrapping sessions... filled with laughter and love...

The meandering stories behind each present...

The memories may be different,

but the LOVE is the same... 

Merry Merry Merry... 

THERE ARE NO WORDS...

I have been silent for a few weeks.  So much in my head... So many drafts... 

Nothing seemed right.

But something horrendous happened yesterday.

A very disturbed man, went to the Clackamas Town Center,

a HUGE mall in the suburbs of Portland, Oregon.

Excited Christmas shoppers were interrupted by the sound of gunshots.

Two dead, one seriously injured...

Then this obviously very sick man, shot himself.

My cousin was there... thankfully unharmed.

THERE ARE NO WORDS to adequately describe the emotions...

It is terrifying and humbling to have it happen in

Portland - one of the best places to live in the world!

People all over the country wonder... will we be next?

What brings a person to the brink of such destruction?

Was he suicidal before he started shooting,

or after he realized what he had done?

One can never rejoice in a suicide, 

but in this case, it was the right thing to do.

I just wish he had done it a little sooner... like before he left home.

My hope is that Portlanders... Oregonians... Americans... 

can rally together in love and forgiveness,

and not turn this into an argument about gun laws!

Whatever the law is, there will be crazies who break it... twist it... abuse it.

God Bless the families and friends of the victims of this senseless tragedy...

including the family of the shooter... 

I pray they will all find peace...

* * *
And now another one in Connecticut...
My heart is breaking for them... I can't fathom getting that phone call.

There's a NIP in the air.... must be Halloween!

I love Halloween in the desert... 
There is finally a NIP in the air - and neighbors come out to play!
There is no pressure to cook or clean the house...
and when you get sick of the kids, you can just turn off the lights.  

Don't get me wrong - I LOVE seeing all the little princesses and Thors... 
and decorating the yard with tombstones... 

but after a few hours our pounds of candy are gone... 
and I'm ready for bed!

Quick - what is your favorite costume you've ever worn?
Mine is from an Opera mom was in...
maybe Aunt Barb can remember the name of it?
It was a Halloween STAPLE for years and years...
My crazy brother is playing the party of Superman - 
Gotta love the 80's!
Wonder what ever happened to this thing?

TRICK OR TREAT EVERYONE!
Be safe...

The Art of SCI-AUNT-OLOGY

Things are changing around my house... grown-up children are finally becoming true grown-ups... and I'm having a harder time than I imagined.  I have dreamed about the "Empty Nest" experience.  Whenever my friends pined away for their children... I was jealous.  Now it is finally happening to me... and I'm not sure I'm dealing with it very well.  A lot of strange arguments that start for nothing, and end up with yelling and slamming of doors... and I find myself saying things I don't mean...

So... now that my mother is gone... I turn to my mother's sister for guidance.  Aunt's are the BEST, aren't they?  They love us like a friend... laugh with us like a sister... guide us like a mother.  They give us unconditional love without all the mother/daughter garbage!  

My wonderful Aunt Barbara lost her husband just as they were getting close to their empty nest... She moved to an island to find peace... brought her mother (my Grammy) to this haven island, becoming her caretaker the last few years of her life.  She is an avid volunteer, and has since remarried... adding another group of family and friends to her never-ending stream of visitors.  I know we bring her much JOY... but also drive her CRAZY!

Keeping her calm is her sewing machine, her shiny crochet hook, and long ferry rides...

Last week, I was complaining (as usual) about my household changes... she listened... and listened... and listened some more.  Then she responded with a wonderful letter.

I would like to share five things she told me:

1.     CHANGE IS THE NEW NORMAL

2.     LETTING GO IS THE BEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE YOUR KIDS 

3.     SLAMMING DOORS CLEARS THE AIR

4.     KIDS ARE RESILIENT AS LONG AS THE ADULTS ARE OK AROUND THEM

5.     MAKE IT OK

MAKE IT OK... like that Nike slogan, JUST DO IT... kind of like that cute scene in Spanglish.  Have you ever scene that movie?  It is really adorable... and kind of thought provoking at times (in spite of having Adam Sandler as the lead).  After spazzoid mother (Tea Leoni) buys clothes that are too tight for her daughter (Darling Sarah Steele),  Flor (How much more gorgeous can you get than Paz Vega?)  secretly alters them.  In the morning she asks Bernice to Just Try it On - but of course, Bernice doesn't realize it has been altered, and doesn't want to.  Flor repeats it a few times JUST try it on... Just try it ON.... Just TRY it on... then finally yelling  JUST TRY IT ON!...  same philosophy....  Just MAKE it ok... Just make it OK... however you say it...

Here - watch the scene for yourself....  I love this movie

But I digress into my ADHD land of the unknown.

It's time to take my Adderall and 

check my inbox to see if I have any more scriptures from the 

Book of SCI-AUNT-OLOGY!

I love you Aunt Barbie Doll!

WITH YOUR HELP... I WILL MAKE IT OK!